So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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