Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
