Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
