I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
