flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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