I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
