Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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