fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
