Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
