yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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