I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
