Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
