Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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