Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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