Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
