So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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