The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this just has baby written all over it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
