Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
tell me about the fingering
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
