We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
