Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
