I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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