Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
