New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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