Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
