The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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