if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
