the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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