Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
