my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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