It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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