I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
