Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
