Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
