she was so not down for the gang bang
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
