I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
