he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
