our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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