I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
