Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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