Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
