i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
