Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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