So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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