I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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