After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
