so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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