Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
