omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
