i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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