If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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