I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
