he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
