I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
