So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
