I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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