Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
