i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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