literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
