we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
