We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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