It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
