It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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