Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
