I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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