Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
