I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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