I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
