Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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