Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
