i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
