It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
