So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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