haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
