FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
