i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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