So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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