Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
