i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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