me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
