You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
