college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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