I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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