She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
