I'm jealous of your bromance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
