If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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