ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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