Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
