You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
