somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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