I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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