After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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