dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
